I think my fart just growled at me.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
