She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
