At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
