i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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