there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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