the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Randomize
