i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He told me they were just razor bumps!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
