the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
