Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
