Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
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The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
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i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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