is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
