dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize