We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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