hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Floor bacon is actually really good
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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