You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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