My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize