I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
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I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
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He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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