Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
