don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
