drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
