you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
