i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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