U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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