Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
