I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
