she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
