But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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