There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
