So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
