reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
