Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
