Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Randomize
