I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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