oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
