tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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