i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
