I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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