dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
