Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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