I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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