He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
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