Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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