Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There r osticjed everywhere
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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