ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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