And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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