Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
