Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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