is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
