We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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