oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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