just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
