Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
