At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
