he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
