Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
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I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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