I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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