I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
